Weigh in day - 12/10/09 - Big loss!

I lost 5 lbs this week! I know why, and it's not exactly a good reason... when I'm around the new boy, I do the thing we women do where we pretend that we are mythical creatures who do not require food. I don't know what it is, I'm just really shy about eating around him! And when I do eat, I eat very small portions. I know there were a couple of days where I only used half of my points. But, I still expected to have a small loss because there was a night of pizza in with one of my roommates, and a night out to dinner with my brother in law where I stuffed myself to the point of discomfort and then had creme brulee for the first time (it was good!) I did get in a 20 mile bike ride this past weekend, but other than that I didn't get many opportunities to ride my bike because it keeps raining or being horribly cold.

Although I am thrilled to lose 5 lbs and hit my goal of 165 early, I know fast weight loss isn't healthy or sustainable. I really need to use all of my points every day! I will try... but it's so hard to do in front of men!

Weigh in day 12/3/09

(This post is a few days late) Anyway, this weigh in day was the first time I weighed in after 2 weeks. I missed weighing in on Thanksgiving because I was out of town and didn't have my scale. But, it looks like I lost 3.2 lbs over those 2 weeks. Can you believe it? I lost weight over Thanksgiving! I helped myself by riding with my dad on Thanksgiving day (30 miles) and the day after (15 miles). Those were the two days I did the most eating. Also, we had two Thanksgiving events, and my mom and I made sure we did not retain ANY leftovers. That was a good move!

On the emotional front... well, maybe I'm not that good at being single, because there's kind of a new guy... but I am taking things slow because I don't feel ready for any intense emotional connections at the moment. We are doing friend-things together, like watching movies, volunteering together, hanging out, etc. I think slow is best!

Weigh in day 11/19/09

Small loss this week - 0.8 lbs. But still, a loss is a loss. Unfortunately I barely got to exercise this week. On Thursday, my last weigh in day, it was raining so I couldn't go for a bike ride. I was so motivated by last week's big loss, however, that I decided to work out inside using my free weights. Unfortunately I overdid it, because I was so sore for the next few days that I couldn't work out at all. It was mainly my calves - I did suicides, squats, jumping jacks, and other calf-pounding exercises you probably shouldn't do without stretching. Once I was finally not sore I got in one bike ride before it rained for days. It's still raining today, so no bike ride for me :( But it's supposed to clear up soon, so I want to ride every day I can and see another big loss. On that one bike ride I went on, I achieved my fastest average speed ever - 13mph. When I started riding I always averaged around 10mph, and lately it's been more like 12.5mph. Once I get up to 15 average mph I think I'll feel comfortable joining a group and going on group rides.

As for the breakup, I think I'm feeling a lot better. From time to time I get pensive and reminiscent. In these moods I usually listen to sad songs and just steep in my grief. He is still calling me, almost every day. Neither one of us wanted to just cut off all contact. But the conversations are short and awkward, and afterwards I feel worse. I keep wondering if I wasted the last two years of my life on a doomed relationship. After my last breakup I searched desperately for a new boyfriend because I felt like I couldn't be alone, but this time I don't feel like I want another one for a while. Maybe I'll just sit back and wait for one to come to me.

Weigh in day 11/12/09 - perhaps my biggest loss ever!

I lost 4.6 lbs this week! I didn't even know that was possible! Remember, to reach my goal of losing 11.8 lbs by Dec 23rd, I needed to lose about 2 lbs per week. Now I only have to lose 1.2 lbs per week!

I think I lost so fast because whenever I gain weight very quickly (like the 3 lbs I gained in the 2 weeks prior to this one) I tend to lose it very quickly once I'm trying again. Also, I exercised every day - a 12-15 mile ride on my bike before work and on the weekend. The one day I didn't get a ride in I went for a brisk 30 min walk before the sun went down. So basically, exercise is essential for me to lose a significant amount of weight. The only thing I'm worried about for this week is that it's supposed to pour rain for a few days because of the tropical storm coming up from the south and I can't get in a bike ride.

It's also worth noting that I feel like I'm conquering the breakup by being so successful with my weight loss!

Update of the past few weeks

Sooo when I gain weight I don't really feel like posting... hence, I haven't posted in the last couple of weeks :( Here's a brief update:

2 weeks ago I went on my first official ride - a 25 mile ride that turned into a 30 mile ride because the route was so poorly marked. My dad came and did it with me, and it was a lot of fun. I didn't even feel that tired afterwards. Unfortunately, I gained 0.4 lbs that week because I felt that the ride entitled me to eat whatever I wanted.

Last week I gained 2.4 lbs because of Halloween candy, a visit from my boyfriend that involved restaurants, and our breakup at the end of that visit that spurred some emotional eating.

A few days ago, after I weighed in and saw the big gain, I decided to join weight watchers meetings. I've been doing WW online since January but I've never been to a meeting before. There happens to be a meeting location at a church in my neighborhood, so I went to try a meeting and signed up right there. I'm hoping that group support will help get me through these gains and re-start my motivation, then help me through the last part of my weight loss. I did like it when they all clapped for me when I told them about the 30 mile bike ride :)

Finally, although I don't normally set numeric weight goals for myself, I decided to do just that. The big Christmas party with my entire mom's side of the family is December 23rd, a little over 6 weeks away. I would like to get to 165 by then, which means losing 11.8 lbs. 165 was how much I weighed at my sister's wedding, and everyone told me over and over how great I looked. I know 11.8 lbs is a bit much to lose in 6 weeks, but I want to push really hard and make up for my recent gains. I'm going to use the new meetings as a reason to stick to the plan.

Weigh in day 10/13/09 and 10/22/09

I lost 1.8 and 1.6 lbs, or 3.4 lbs together, in these last two weigh ins. I know it's all the bike riding, because I keep going over my weekly points! I try to stay within my activity points but sometimes that doesn't even happen. Anyway, knowing that makes it much easier to get up at 7am and ride my bike when it's 35 degrees outside. My big 25 mile ride is in 3 days!

Weigh in day 10/8/09

So this past weigh in I lost 1.5 lbs, which got rid of my gain from last week and put me back down to where I was 2 weeks ago. That's fine, because I'm training for a 25 miles bike ride on October 25th, so I'm working my way up to 25 miles and burning tons of calories on the way. Today I rode 18 miles and burned 1077 calories! I think I should definitely lose this week. We'll see!

Weigh in day 10/1/09: ahhh gain!

I gained 1.6 lbs :( I knew I had it coming... this past weekend my boyfriend flew in so we could celebrate his birthday and my sister and her husband threw a huge Oktoberfest party. I ate sooo much that it was impossible to track. Plus I haven't been able to ride my bike much lately because of cold weather and medical problems.

BUT... I'm not letting this get me down. I was actually happy because I was fearing a bigger gain. I'm glad I'm still in the 170's. I was afraid I might be back in the 180's. Today or tomorrow I'm going to buy some cold weather bike clothes and get back on the bike, and stick to the plan, damn it!!!

Weigh in day 9/24/09, plus 9/14/09

Since I last updated I both experienced and then broke through a plateau. My weight loss has been going slowly lately, so last week I tried really hard to stay on plan and exercise. When I weighed in I was frustrated because I didn't lose a thing. So, at my cousin's wedding this weekend, I sort of let go and ate everything. I expected to gain this week but instead I've lost 2.4 lbs!

I also went to my Dr. back home for the first time since last November. She was thrilled with how much weight I've lost! I asked her to look back for my heaviest weight and she said in October of 2008 I was 225 lbs! It was really motivating to hear how far I've come. Hopefully I really have broken through this plateau and I'll have another big loss next week!

Weigh day 9/10/09 - just one pound?

I was actually excited about weighing in this week because I followed the plan closer than I have in a long time. With my boyfriend in Texas, I didn't go to a SINGLE restaurant. I used all my weekly points, but for the first time in a loooong time, I didn't use ANY of my activity points. Also, I got a lot of activity points by frequently doing a long and difficult bike ride. I was expecting a huge loss, but all I lost was a pound. It feels like a failure :(

Weigh in day 9/3/09 - How did I lose???

Somehow I lost 0.2 lbs! I was expecting a huge gain - I had told myself to expect at least 2 lbs of a gain, but I feared it would be even more. I mean, come on, while I was in Texas my bf and I went to restaurants every night, and we almost always got appetizers and desserts. Then when I got back there was a family reunion with a potluck of southern food, and then a birthday celebration for my mom and sister where I went to town on the cake. I was resigned to gaining weight. Like I said, I did work out every day that I was in Texas (except on the weekends), burning 600 or more calories each time, but I only thought that would reduce the damage. This is newly motivating for me - I was going down through the 180's pretty quickly until I started sabotaging my own efforts. I think if I recommit and stick with the plan I can burn down through the 170's.

Weigh in day 8/27/09 - who knows?

Today is my weigh in day but I'm about 2000 miles away from my scale so I won't be weighing in until next Thursday. I'm kind of glad, though, because I've probably gained weight this week. I'm visiting my boyfriend, who had to move to Texas for a job. He just moved here a couple of weeks ago and I came to visit him once he got settled into an apartment. I've been here for almost a week now and we've gone to restaurants EVERY night! It's part of exploring a new place - we picked up one of those dining guides from the tourism office and we've been going to places listed in the "Best" categories of the area. For example, under "Best hamburger" was Twisted Root Burger Co, a restaurant that's been featured on the food network. So of course we went there to try the burgers and the fries that they cut themselves. And then an italian pizza place (actually we hit that one twice because it was so good), a fancy latin american place, a contemporary indian restaurant... tonight we are going to some place called "Midevil Times" where you eat a "feast fit for a king" as you watch knights joust. We're not really interested in the food so much as the show, but the food will be there. SO this past week I tried to track as much as possible, and my weekly points were probably the furthest into the negative that they've ever been. However, my bf's apartment complex has a gym, so I've been going there and doing cardio for an hour each day to try to make up for all the restaurants. I doubt it'll do much but it might at least keep off a pound or two. Maybe instead of gaining 5 pounds I'll gain 3? Who knows.

Anyway I've decided that since my WW week starts over today, I'm going to actually try to stay within my points this week and work out every day. Maybe I can undo some of the damage I've done so I won't be too unhappy next Thursday. In the meantime I'm having a blast!

Weigh in day 8/20/09 - Small loss, but I reached a goal!

While I only lost 0.6 lbs this week, that was exactly the amount I needed to lose to reach my next goal, which was the halfway point to my final goal! I've lost 36 lbs, and now I need to lose 36 more to reach my goal!

This week was a mix of good and bad. I ate way over my weekly points - my "pig out" friend came over for the weekend and we went to restaurants. I tried very hard to restrain myself and I think I did pretty well - when she left I had eaten all my weekly points and just 8 of my activity points. If I had left it at that, I probably would have seen a bigger loss. But then I got tempted at the grocery store... I was in the frozen food/dairy section, innocently following my roommate as she looked at cheese, when I saw one of those individual slices of cake that they make at the bakery. The bakery is on the exact opposite side of the store, but someone had picked up this piece of cake and then abandoned it on a shelf in the frozen food aisle under some pizza crusts. It looked sooo good... I read the label and discovered that it was "old fashioned fudge cake," with yellow cake and fudge icing. I couldn't resist... so that gave me -5 weekly points, which I vowed to make up with more activity. If I had just left it at that, it would have been fine... BUT the next day my roommates wanted to celebrate my belated birthday - they had been out of town during my actual birthday, and that night we were all free. So we rented a movie and got tortilla chips, nacho dip, and, yes, we all got a piece of cake from the bakery section of the same grocery store. I went with the same old fashioned fudge cake... so after that fiasco my weekly points were waaaay into the negative :(

BUT to make up for it I rode my bike 5 days this week, for an hour each time. My new heart rate monitor tells me that I burn anywhere from 600 - 700 calories each time I do this, so I figured I might actually see a loss this week in spite of everything. I also drank a pitcher of crystal light a day - that's 4 quarts - so I thought maybe the increased water consumption would help too. And I did see a loss this week, just a small one. I know that if I hadn't gone over my weekly points I would have seen a huge loss, but I'm happy I made it to the halfway point.

Weigh in day 8/13/09 - big loss!

Wow, 3.4 lbs! This makes up for the weight I gained last week. I was afraid I would have a gain or a very small loss, because I was slightly in the negative with my weekly points and I didn't get as many activity points as I wanted to. Only 0.6 lbs until I am halfway to goal!

Weigh in day 8/6/09 - Big gain :( :( :(

Stupid birthday! It totally threw me off track and I gained 2.6 lbs. I'm back to where I was 2 weeks ago! My birthday got dragged over several days because I had to celebrate it on different days with my family and my boyfriend. Then there would be leftover cake... also we found out this week that my boyfriend got a job 2000 miles away from here, so that added to my eat-whatever-I-want mentality. But I think that weight gained quickly can be lost quickly, so I'm going to get back on track and try to shake all this off! I'm still pretty bummed though :(

Weigh in day 7/30/09 - another big loss :)

Apparently I should move every week, because I think all the calories I burned moving from my old house, moving into my new house, and then cleaning my old house really contributed to this week's loss of 2.6 lbs. I was incredibly active on moving day, moving tons of furniture and boxes. And then after that I spent a few hours each day cleaning the old house for about 3 days. I was worried I might actually gain weight because I ate over my weekly points and into some of my activity points, but I guess that was dwarfed by the sheer amount of activity I did. I'm so close to the halfway point!

Weigh in day 7/23/09 - I'm overweight!

I finally reached my next goal, which was to get out of the "obese" category! That's been very important to me, ever since the wii fit called me obese. Such a big loss kind of surprised me because I didn't get much exercise in - only 3 days this week, and I ate a few of my Action Points. But I was still within my points, so I guess it was ok. Now I have to lose just 4 more pounds before I'm halfway to my goal!

Belated update about weigh in day 7/16/09

This past weigh in I was only down 0.6 lbs from last week. But hey, better down than up. It's still a loss. I was hoping to reach 30 lbs of weight loss, but I guess that'll have to wait until this coming weigh in. On Thursday I went to my boyfriend's house and decided to bring cake mix and frosting with me to make cupcakes. I told myself they would be for him and his new roommates, and that I would only have a couple. Of course, this was unrealistic and I ended up having 4 that day and then 2 the next day. Luckily I am still (barely) within my weekly points and I've decided to ride for an hour every day until Thursday to make up for said cupcake incident. But I realized that before I started weight watchers I would have eaten 8-10 of those cupcakes and wouldn't have written it down or compensated with exercise; I would have pretended like it never happened. Obviously I still need to work on control, but it's nice to know that I'm getting better.

Weigh in day 7/9/09 - I don't understand it, but I'm not complaining!

Somehow I lost 1.8 lbs... in a 2 week time period that encompassed a cruise, the 4th of July, and a binge at Chick Fil A. Cruises are known for their food, but during the cruise I felt like I was balancing the food with enough activity. For breakfast and lunch my friends and I went to a buffet where I tried to eat fruit and salads and took it easy on the desserts and fatty foods. For dinner every night we went to a nice restaurant on board - the kind of place where they pull out your chair and put your napkin on your lap, and the menu changes every night. Luckily the portion sizes were small/realistic, so I couldn't do too much damage. We had dessert every night but it was always smaller than a normal dessert, although very very delicious. Most days we only ate 3 times a day, and throughout the day we would do activities like jet-skiing, swimming, or walking around a town. At nights we went to bars, the casino, and the dance club. I swear, I must have burned 10,000 calories at that dance club. One night we danced for what seemed like 2 hours (and probably was!) So I thought I just might lose weight over the cruise, or at least maintain. Then I got back a day before the 4th of July. For the 4th of July we went to a celebration at my aunt and uncle's lake house. We cooked out, then made ice cream sundaes. I also made Baily's floats - Baily's and icecream, mmmm! I thought that that might undo any weight loss I might have achieved. Finally, the night before last, my boyfriend and I went to chick fil a. It took me a few days to get back on plan because I kept craving sweet things, so at this point I was not exactly disciplined. I got an original chicken sandwich and we shared waffle fries, chicken nuggets, and a cookies and cream milkshake. So, after all that I was dreading weighing in today. But, lo and behold, I'm at 188! I was so afraid I would be back in the 190's, which was going to be really discouraging. Now I feel reeeally motivated - 3 lbs to go till my next goal!

Weigh in day 6/25/09 - Small gain :(

I guess I should have expected a gain - this past weekend I went home for father's day. For starters, I didn't exercise at all. Then my whole extended family came together to throw a surprise birthday party for my grandmother's 80th birthday. It was catered, complete with 7 layer chocolate cake for dessert. Then on father's day we had lunch with our extended family. It was a cookout with leftover cake for dessert. And then on father's day night my immediate family had dinner together - another cookout with leftover cake! Not to mention all the s'mores I made this weekend, using the many grills at all the cookouts. But I was feeling optimistic... why is it that whenever I'm certain I'll gain I always lose, and when I'm feeling optimistic I gain or have a small loss? Strange. Anyway, I'm still in the 180's - barely. To make matters worse, this week I'm going on a cruise from Monday - Friday. To make matters even worse, I'm going with my friend who has been my "pig-out" friend in the past... you know, the one friend that you can hang out with and eat as much as you want without being judged. The friend with whom you can go to a restaurant and pig out, then out for a large ice cream, then out to a movie where you pig out on popcorn. Sometimes she is dieting too, but right now she's kind of in an eating free-for-all and has already expressed her intentions to eat whatever she wants while on the cruise. I'm worried there will be peer pressure to eat and to avoid working out. On the phone the other day I talked to her about how I didn't want to gain weight on the cruise and how I wanted to work out, and she was like "Um, you only go on a cruise once in your life," suggesting I should really just forget the diet and pig out. I'm already fighting my own inner demons that tell me to eat eat eat, so if she adds her voice to theirs I'm afraid I won't be able to resist! And if I go back into the 190's I'll be upset :( It takes me a month to lose 5 pounds, and I could easily gain 5 pounds in a week of eating cruise food. I don't want to undo a month or more of hard work!

Weigh in day 6/18/09 - I broke into the 180's!!!

Wow! 2.6 lbs lost this past week! Remember, I was convinced that I would have either a very small weight loss or a gain. I guess bike riding every day has really made a difference! I have gone riding every day but 1 out of the last 12 days! I didn't go last Saturday because I had to be my cousin's wedding buddy in an out of town wedding she got invited to. Every ride is at least 45 minutes, and on the trail I ride there plenty of hills - long, slight hills and steep, challenging hills. I think it's really paying off! I'm so happy to be in the 180's - I thought I'd never get here! To be honest, I'm proud of myself for once :)

Off track already?

So on Friday, my bf and I went to a Mexican restaurant. I started the day off determined to do well: I used only 8 of my 26 points the whole day leading up to the restaurant, and I hadn't used any of my weekly points left. I also made sure to get in a bike ride, despite the 93 degree heat of that day. I thought that with 18 daily points and 35 weekly points, I had 53 free points and that that was a nicely sized buffer so I didn't have to worry about what I ate at the restaurant. Well, I was wrong... perhaps ordering their legendary nachos as an appetizer was a mistake. Perhaps ordering a chicken dish with a creamy sauce was also a mistake. Or perhaps ordering fried ice cream for dessert was a mistake. Really, the mistake was doing all three together. any 1 or even 2 of those things by itself would have been fine. But when I got home I tallied up the points as best I could without nutritional information from that specific restaurant, and I had gone slightly over 53 points - I think it was 56. Yikes! That wouldn't have been so bad, but the next day I had to go to a wedding with my cousin. At the reception there were hors devours (sp?) and cake. I had a reasonable plate of hor devours and a small piece of cake, for an estimated total (as I calculated later) of about 18 points! Ahhh! So I ended up going over my points that day too. So Friday and Saturday were just BAD. I failed at my goal of staying within my weeklies, only a day after making it! I am hoping that I can cycle 45 - 60 mins every day and somehow make up for this. It'll probably be either another week of slow weight loss or a gain, but I hope not! Please please please be kind to me, O weight loss gods, for I am but a lowly mortal!

As a side note, I decided to change my goal weight from 150 to 145. 150 is just still too close to overweight for my height. I feel like 145 puts me in a safer area.

Weigh in day 6/11/09

Another kinda slow week, weight loss wise - I lost 0.8 lbs. My mom said she thinks there are certain weights that your body gets stuck at, whether you're going up or going down. If that's true, I think my body likes to get stuck in the neighborhood of 192 - I remember being at that weight for a long time, and being stuck there when I tried to lose weight a couple of years ago. But, at least I'm going down. Also, I recently started working out every day. I told myself that since I'm unemployed and sitting around the house I have no excuse not to get a workout in every day. I have exercised for the last 5 days in a row. I set an initial goal of exercising every day for a week, and so far it's going pretty well. Mainly I have been cycling. There's a cycling/walking trail just outside my neighborhood. If I ride the whole thing and do this one part of it twice, I get a 50 minute ride by the time I get back home. And the trail has many challenging parts - lots of hills to struggle up, where I can feel my heart pounding. Since weight loss always seems to be delayed I hope that at next week's weigh in I'll see some results from all this working out. As for staying on points, on Friday I pigged out and ate slightly over my weekly points, but I stayed within my points all the rest of the days and by the end of the week I had extra activity points. But it would probably help not to go over my weeklies. Also, I've begun incorporating more veggies into my diet, and drinking more water. So this week I'm going to try not to go over my weeklies, to exercise every day, and to continue eating more veggies and drinking more water. Hopefully I'll get into the 180's sometime soon!

Weigh in day 6/4/09, plus some notes on my low self esteem

I lost 0.6 lbs this week, despite being on steroids for my sinus infection and not exercising much. When I first weighed in I was upset. "Only .6 lbs?!" I thought, "That's nothing!" For a little while it felt like a personal failure. I felt like I might as well have gained. But eventually I realized that progress is progress, no matter how small. Losing .6 lbs is better than losing nothing, and much better than gaining! Now I've lost 24.6 lbs, which I feel I can round up and call 25 when I tell people how much I've lost so far. And you know what I'm going to tell myself starting now? 25 lbs is a lot of weight!

I have low self esteem, so I tend to minimize my accomplishments. When I lost 10 lbs I thought "That's nothing, it won't really count for much until I've lost 20," and when I hit 20 lbs I still felt like I hadn't really lost that much, and that it hasn't made that much of a difference. I've been feeling like I haven't lost enough and I must not be trying hard enough. I tell myself that I must be barely scraping by, and that all the weight I've lost so far has been due to luck. This is what I do when I accomplish something: I explain it away by saying I got lucky or I didn't really try that hard so it doesn't really count for much. I have been telling myself that I'm still quite fat and I can't consider myself on the road to success until I've lost 30 lbs, but I know when I hit that I'll tell myself that I need to be at 185 to have accomplished anything (that's when I'll no longer be obese.) When I hit 185 I'll tell myself "Well, it took you long enough! If you hadn't screwed up so much you could have gotten here faster. Anyway you still look terrible, so don't pat yourself on the back just yet."

But today I checked out "Start Living, Start Losing" from the library. It's a Weight Watchers book of success stories. In each 2-3 page story, someone tells the history of their battle with weight, the turning point, their time in weight watchers, and what their life is like now. At the end of their story they give a little piece of advice. A lot of people used that section to talk about the importance of positive self talk. I recognized myself in their stories - they talked about their inner naysayer and their lack of confidence in their ability to lose the weight. I've been realizing lately how much I trash talk myself in my head. It's even there at the subconscious level - I assume, without even thinking about it, that people that I meet automatically don't like me or automatically think very low of me and that I have to prove that I'm likable to them. If they compliment me or say they want to hang out with me I just assume that they're just being nice and they really don't mean it. It's really a very big problem!

I've decided I'm going to work on it. I'm going to tell myself how well I'm doing, and that 25 lbs is a huge and impressive amount of weight to have lost in 5 months. Because it is. AND I'm going to try to tell myself that I'm beautiful, just the way I am, until I believe it. Somehow I've gotten it in my head that it is physically impossible for me to be pretty until I hit a certain weight. I actually have certain weights in my head at which it will magically be ok for me to wear sleeveless shirts, wear little dresses, go running in shorts, etc. So I feel like I'm working towards beauty, and when I get there I'll like myself and other people will like me too. But I need to like myself right now, no matter what I look like, because as far as human beings go, I'm pretty great, damn it!

Here goes everything...

Weigh in day 5/28/09

Somehow I lost again! This is strange because I've been very sick this past week. I haven't worked out at all, in fact I sat around watching TV a lot and sleeping because I've been feeling so terrible. I even went over my weekly points a little. So I was sure I would gain, but I lost 1.4 lbs! Yay, 24 lbs down! I can't wait to be down 25, or 30!

Yesterday I started a 6 day regimine of steroids prescribed by my doctor for the inflammation in my sinuses. I just learned that one of the primary side effects of steroids is weight gain, but my sister the nurse assures me that 6 days won't have much effect. I hope not!

Weigh in day 5/21/09 - it's been a while...

Just hit my 10% goal! It just occurred to me to follow that with a "woot!" because the last time I blogged was in high school, but I think I'll refrain.

SO it's been like 3 weeks since I posted. Well, I didn't reach my little 2 week goal I set for myself. I was still 2. something pounds away from it at graduation. That was frustrating because I spent the week before graduation trying really hard and working out intensely, but when I weighed in I had actually gained a little bit. Right after graduation my family and I went to Key West on vacation and I didn't have internet so I didn't bother with tracking points. We went out to restaurants most days so I was afraid I might have gained. I started following the plan again the day after we got back. I ended this week with -10 weekly points left but somehow I've lost 1.6 lbs since the last time I weighed!

This is good because lately I've been feeling a little unmotivated. I mean, I had been doing this for 4 months and I seemed to be hanging around 20 lbs of weight loss. I know 20 lbs is good for 4 months, but I was hoping I'd have lost more by now. Also, I seemed to be going so slowly through the mid 190's. I began cheating a little, you know, not counting points for bites taken when grazing around the kitchen. I could feel my willpower shrinking. It doesn't help that I've just graduated and am now unemployed, desperately searching for a job, and trying to figure out who I am. I think the vacation was good because I got a break from the diet and from life. I also think that if I hadn't lost 1.6 lbs I would have continued to feel a loss of motivation. But now I'm feeling good, like I can keep doing this :)

Weigh in day 4/30/09 - Reached -20 lbs goal!

I lost 1.8 lbs. So I'm a little behind schedule for my two week goal (which is now 1 week away) - I wanted to lose 2 lbs each week and have lost 4 lbs at the end of two weeks. 1.8 is pretty close to 2 though... can I lose 2.2 lbs by next week? I hope so!

And I've reached my -20 lbs goal! WOW it feels so good to be able to think and say that I've lost 21.4 lbs! For some reason it feels like so much more than 19...

I've got a two week goal...

I was looking in my planner that I never open, when I saw that I had written a weight down on May 9th, the date of my graduation. It says: "193.4?" I think I remember writing that... I think I was a few weeks into weight watchers and was trying to calculate what might be possible by the time I graduated. Obviously I came up with 193.4, and wrote it down with a question mark so when I got to that day I could see it and see if I was right in my estimation. Well, that's only 4 lbs away! So I'm going to consider it a goal and try really hard in the next couple of weeks to lose 4 more pounds! I've already started - I worked out today, even though I normally don't on Saturdays. And losing 4 lbs in the next two weeks could make up for my small losses of .9 and .8 lbs in the last two weeks. Let's see if I succeed!

Weigh in day 4/16/09 - Somehow I lost! How???

I lost .8 lbs! How in the world is that possible? I went waaaaaay over my weekly points this past week! Maybe this makes up for the week that I tried really hard and gained .9 lbs... maybe? I'm not complaining, I'm just really surprised. Oh well! I'll take it :)

Baaad week! Scared to weigh in...

So... last Thursday was my weigh in day, when I posted about finally being under 200. It was also my good friend's birthday, so I drove home early (I was already going to come for easter weekend.) Before driving home I stopped by the cupcake shop to get her half a dozen awesome cupcakes as a present, but I was good and didn't get myself any. Well, we went to a restaurant for her birthday. I was good and only took a couple of bites out of the appetizer. For dinner I got a hummus and goat cheese salad, which was reeeeally good. At the end of the day I still had plenty of weeklies left, and I felt proud for managing it so well. Then the next day, my mom set up lunch at a restaurant with my aunt and cousins. We went to chili's, so I got the guiltless grill salmon, which is now served only with broccoli and is 7 points. So I was good then too. Then for dinner I went to my cousin's house, where I ate a lot of fruit and a homemade lean hamburger. She also had some ice cream pies she made out of light ice cream, so I had a piece of that. At the end of that day I had used a few more of my weeklies, but overall I was still doing well. THEN came Saturday... for some reason I was hungry throughout the day and had to keep nibbling on things. My sister, her husband, and my aunt, uncle, and cousin came over for dinner. By that time I had given up on being good. I mean, I had resisted SO much temptation in the last couple of days! So I ate plenty of cheese and crackers, then had dinner (with dessert), then made smores around my parent's new chiminea outside. A lot of smores. And of course, the next day was easter, so the "easter bunny," who is suffering empty nest syndrome and takes delight in visiting adult children when they come home, gave me a basket of candy. To top it all off, my friend had a crisis and came over, so we went out to lunch together, and then went for gelato and a cupcake. By the time this was all over, my weekly points were faaaaar into the negative. Also, I was unable to exercise on Friday or through the weekend because I was so busy doing family stuff, and I didn't exercise Monday because I was working on finishing the draft of my thesis all day. So I'm definitly going to gain this week, and probably be over 200 again, which will make me CRY.

But, on a positive note, I've jumped back on the plan with renewed enthusiasm, if anything to try and minimize the damage before weigh in day. I'll post again on Thursday with results...

Weigh in day 4/9/09 - FINALLY UNDER 200!

YAY :) :) :)

I lost 2.3 lbs this week, making me 199 lbs! I haven't been under 200 for over a year now! So I've lost 18 lbs total since January. That's a lot! And if you look at my goals, you'll see that my goal weight of 150 is now 49 lbs away. That's under 50! It used to be 67 lbs away, which seemed so intimidating... but 49 sounds a lot better to me!

In other news, I found a weight/food tracking journal I was keeping at this time last year. I started trying to lose weight on my own in the beginning February of last year and kept it up until mid April. In February of last year I weighed 204 lbs, and by the time I quit trying in April I weighed 201. Only 3 lbs in two months! No wonder I gave up. I was counting calories and going to a gym, but I later found out I was working TOO hard! I would run for extended periods of time on the treadmill with my heart rate around 190, and then go work out on weight machines for an hour. A dietician later told me that with a heart rate that high I wasn't burning fat, I was burning straight glucose. I was also eating way too little calories, so I guess my body wanted to hold on to my fat. So anyway I gave up, and then gained about 19 lbs until this past December, when I tried again on my own and got to the 217 lbs I was at when I started weight watchers in January. I know at some point before December I weighed 220 lbs, I just didn't ever want to weigh myself. But now I'm down to 199! Being under 200 makes such a big difference to me!

I gained... for no reason! :( :( :(

I gained 0.9 lbs! Whaaat? I did everything right - worked out, drank water, stayed within my points... I didn't even use all of my weekly points! This is pretty frustrating, but I'm ready to accept it as a plateau and work extra hard this next week... maybe I can lose a lot this week and make up for this gain! Still, it sucks to try so hard and then gain! Makes me think that I should have at least gotten to eat a package of cookies or something to deserve it... ::Sigh:: and I even refused free Papa John's pizza a couple of nights ago! Oh well :(

Halfway to halfway!

I just realized something - I'm halfway to the halfway point towards my goal! I started at 217 and want to lose 67 lbs to be 150. Currently I've lost 16.6, which x2 = 33.2, which is almost exactly halfway to my goal! That's a good feeling - I'm a quarter of the way there, even though it doesn't feel like I've been trying that long. I love Weight Watchers! It's such a sustainable diet!

Weigh in day - 3/16/09

So I lost 2.6 more pounds! That puts me at 200.4. I was hoping to go under 200 this week, but I'm just fine with what I got :) Now I know I'll be under 200 by next week for sure! I'm actually surprised at my loss this week because my boyfriend and I discovered a cupcake shop downtown and each got 2 of these really wicked cupcakes. I swear they have to be at least 10 points. Anyway after that and going out to dinner with him, I used all of my weekly points and 2 of my activity points. But I did get a lot of activity points this week, so maybe that's it. And I switched back to drinking nothing but water! And a little 1% milk, of course. I can't wait till next week when I can look at the scale and see a number without a 2 at the beginning! It'll be the first time in over a year!

Why I'm doing this

I got this idea from Lauren's blog - making a list to remind myself why I'm trying so hard to lose weight. Here they are, in no particular order:

1. I want to be confident - I've suffered from low self esteem my entire life. A lot of it is tied to my weight. I automatically place myself at a lower value than everyone else, and I assume that everyone sees me that way too.

2. Exploring the world requires a certain level of fitness - I want to go on adventures once I graduate, which is hard to do when I'm carrying so much extra weight around.

3. I want to be healthy - losing weight will lower my high blood pressure and make the symptoms of my PCOS subside. I'll also get sick less, be able to do things without getting winded, and I'll just feel better in general.

4. It's about time my body matched my personality - I'm an energetic person. I don't like sitting still for long periods of time. My thoughts race through my head at a million miles an hour. Why should my body be stuck in the mud?

5. I want to feel comfortable in my own body - I'm always so concious of the fat on my body. I do things to try to carry it differently or hide it. I'm tired of feeling so ill at ease with my body. I'm also tired of clothes that squeeze and hurt!

6. For my future children (even though they are faaaar in the distant future) - PCOS will make it difficult for me to have children, especially if I'm overweight. And if I manage to have children, I don't want to set a bad example for them. Plus, I want to be able to keep up with them!

7. Now is the time! - The longer I wait, the more difficult it will be. I'm still young. I don't want to squander the best days of my life by staying overweight!

Down a couple of jean sizes!

Today I put on an old size 17 pair of jeans... and it fit! I have been wearing Lane Bryant jeans for a year now... and I haven't been able to put on juniors size jeans for longer than that! A little while before I started WW, I was wearing a Lane Bryant size 3 (I have no idea what that is in real sizes.) I had some size 2 Lane Bryant jeans that were too tight on me. As I lost weight, the size 3's became waaaay too loose, and I was happy to put on the size 2's, which were once painful to squeeze into. Now the size 2's have become unflatteringly loose, so today I dug out my junior's size 17's to see if it was possible. And it was! They're a little snug, and I'll have to get used to the low waistline again, but they look good! This is really motivating :)

Weigh in day - 3/19/09

I lost 1.8 more pounds! That's good :) So I've lost 14 pounds total so far. I was hoping for more, but I did lose 3.2 pounds last week so I can't hope for two big losses in a row. It's only 3.1 more pounds to lose until I reach my next goal of being under 200 lbs! I'm not sure if it's possible but I'm going to try as hard as I can to lose 3.1 lbs this next week! This past week I know I didn't drink enough water - I got a 2 liter of diet Dr. Pepper at the store and went through that. And while I did stay within my weekly points I ordered pizza twice (hey, it's that time of the month and I had a pizza craving!) which probably didn't help. I was trying to only use a little of my weeklies but I ended up using all of them! But I'm happy with losing 1.8 lbs. Good luck to me and everyone else for next week!

Goals

I was watching a Joy Fit Club segment on the Today Show the other day (I watch them online occasionally for inspiration) and one of the people on the show advised that people trying to lose wieght should set small goals - 5 lbs, 10%, etc. Of course, Weight Watchers online does this for you to some extent, but I decided to take the idea further. I made myself a list of goals concerning my weight. For example, being under 200 lbs is a goal. The way my goals work out, the next goal isn't very far from the last goal, so I'm always close to a goal. I think that will keep me motivated. I'm posting my list of goals to the side so people can follow them with me. I hope other people like this idea and use it for themselves... 4.9 lbs to lose till I reach my next goal!

PCOS

I forgot to mention this in the first post, but I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) at the age of 15 (I'm 22 now). I'm not sure which causes which - does PCOS cause obesity or does obesity cause PCOS? They don't seem to be sure. When the doctor was diagnosing me she asked if I was overweight from a young age, because apparently that's one of the symtoms. It was only then that I realized I had been overweight from about 6 years of age. I was a very hyper child and my parents didn't like to keep junk food in the house, so how did I begin to get overweight? I do remember that I loved junk food, but I had very limited access to it so it wasn't like I ate lots of it. On the show Nick and Kate plus Eight, the wife has PCOS (hence the fertility drugs) and she's skinny. I've been told that if I lose enough weight, the symptoms of my PCOS will subside but it will still be there. I think maybe PCOS makes it more likely for a person to be overweight, and that being overweight exacerbates the PCOS. All I know is that they're still unsure about the causes :S

The beginning - my "ah-ha" moment

I have been overweight all my life. I don't want to write an autobiography here, but I was teased throughout school for my weight and developed big self-image and confidence issues because of it. I have never been happy with the way I look and have felt ill at ease with my body my whole life. During undergrad I starved myself down to a normal weight. At the time I still felt fat and unattractive, but looking back at the pictures I realize I wasn't. However, as soon as I started eating normally again all the weight came back, plus some extra. Once I entered grad school I moved away from the area I grew up in and entered a new stage in life. I enjoyed my new location, but I also gained 20 pounds in a year and a half. Occasionally I tried cutting calories and exercising, but when the scale didn't budge I would grow discouraged and quit.

This past December I came home for Christmas break at the heaviest weight I have ever been. Normally when I go visit home I see all my regular doctors as needed, since I'm already in the area. My primary care doctor referred me to a new doctor to look into something that had to do with a health issue in the past. I went to the appointment and instantly disliked the doctor the second he began to talk to me. He asked prying questions beyond the scope of what I was there for. Mainly, he wanted to talk about my weight, which was unrelated to the issue I had come to discuss. He basically grilled me and made me feel terrible. I know sometimes doctors have to be frank to make advice stick, but he was almost rude. I think he could have had a better delivery. Anyway, once the appointment was finally over and I walked out of the doctor's office, I began to cry. I hated myself at that moment more than I ever had before.

Still chafing from the horrible appointment, I went to visit my cousin that evening. I had gotten Wii Fit for Christmas and brought it over to try on his Wii. He and my aunt watched while I set up a profile. When it did the body test I knew it was going to weigh me, but I had no choice but to continue, not wanting to ruin the fun or appear insecure. Instead of displaying my weight it showed a BMI scale, which started at 0 and then rose to my BMI as my character fattened in proportion. In the end it declared "you're obese!" while my chubby character looked down at her belly in disbelief. My aunt and cousin thought this was funny and laughed histarically. I laughed along, but inside I was horrified - I hadn't known that I was actually obese! It didn't help that they joked about it the rest of the night. I declared that day the worst in my life and went to bed feeling heavily discouraged.

4 days later, my mother showed me her Weight Watchers online profile and let me look around the site inside her account. She agreed to pay for a subscrition for me if I wanted to join, so I signed up and began the diet that very day. On my first weigh in day I was estatic to discover that it had actually worked and I had lost some weight. My previous attempts at weight loss as of late had yielded little to no results and had never worked so instantly. After the intial success I jumped into Weight Watchers with gusto and have been steadfastly sticking to the diet. I have tracked EVERY thing that I have eaten since then, even if I know it puts me way beyond my points. I bought "My Fitness Coach" for wii and have been working out with it at least 4-6 times a week. I eased myself into the changes and was able to transition into a better lifestyle.

It's been 2 months and I've lost 12.2 pounds. I'm addicted to water, I rarely eat out, and I've just gotten to the point where my body craves the workouts it once dreaded. Now that the initial transition is over I know I can stick with it till the end. I hope this blog will help me make this journey and will inspire others along the way. Stay tuned!